Takumi kun parody
by random passager
Summary: I can imagine him with his eyes on fire and his explosive smile, yelling to all people who want to approach me "TAKUMI IS MINE! NOBODY TOUCH HIM! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"


**Takumi-kun I - parody **

A/N: After I watched the movie, I thought it would be fun to make a parody. So, here you go. When I was writing this, I had Hamao Kyosuke as Takumi and Kato Keisuke as Gii, which is kind of strange... But I think it doesn't matter who do you prefer as Gii and Takumi. The parody is mostly based on the manga and I add a bunch of stuff, too. Some stuff might be exaggerated or altered, like Takumi's illness. So I hope you like it.

* * *

People say that each person is born with the fate to complete another. Once the two of them meet, through the growth of love, they shall cleave to each other and become one flesh. I wonder if this belief is true for everyone. Since I have mental disorders, even if this another of mine exists, I think I can never become one flesh with that person. Actually, my illness is not something uncommon. I bet many people are like me – quiet, restricted, unintegrated. I fear people, that's all. And mostly, I fear to be touched, to feel my skin get into contact with unknown cells. This behavior is unexplainable, like a phobia. Whenever there are crowds, I want to seek for desolation. Whenever there are people, I want to seek for segregation. Although, I try to avoid others, but when others come to me, my physical body can instantaneously cease all external activity, entering a panic stage. When that happens, I can't do anything else but to try to regain my body control, and then run away, if possible.

This phenomenon happens more frequently with females, because their body is so different from mine. I can't imagine what kinds of component are there in their chromosomes, neither what kind of neurological activity they have in their brain. Because I'm a boy, so I know what generally a boy's body looks like, and thus I'm not that scared of boys. But with females, it's different. Those creatures are unknown, like aliens.

That's why I am studying in an all-boy dormitory school. I like this environment, although I'm not liked by other people. During the first year, people called me heartless, emotionless, uncaring, neat freak misanthrope. But why did I have to care? As long as they stayed away from me, avoided intruding my circle, I didn't have anything against those names. However, as time went by, I kind of felt ashamed for running away from people all the time. I would rethink about my behavior and sometime felt bad about ignoring people who I realized might be harmless. But there were other people that I knew I should avoid.

There is this guy who, no matter how many times I rejected him, always shows up in front of me, with his hands full of tickets. I really wish that I can surpass this fear and get rid of this guy with verbal power.

"Come to TeniMyu with me! Hehe…" This guy's name is Nozaki Daisuke, the arrogant captain of the school basketball team. He talks when he eats. It's really obscene.

"No!" I say and prepare to move my lunch to another table. But before I leave my chair, Nozaki Daisuke catches my sleeve.

"Or else, I will force you to date me! Hehe…" He's face gets closer to mine. I can almost count every single piece of green salad mixed with the rest of the curry that he is munching on. Unconsciously, I take my plate and crush it onto his face. No one in the cafeteria, not even I, believes what I've just done. Since when I learn to sacrifice food to gain privacy?

When the plate slides down and Nozaki Daisuke madly lets me go to wipe his face in the closest washroom, another guy appears: Gii.

"This must be the violent side of you that I just see." He says with a grin.

"Huh?"

"Never mind. When I saw Nozaki with you again, I thought I might have to stain my uniform once more. But, looks like you were able to handle him by yourself."

Gii is my roommate this year. He confessed me that he likes me last week, the day when he protected me from the projectile. Basically, that day Nozaki Daisuke threw his plate at me, but Gii blocked it with his back.

"It's your fault. I thought you were good at timing, Gii." I say with a failed mocking tone.

"Hm, sorry, I'll be in time next time." He salutes and walks away to buy me a new lunch.

Is it that hard to be sarcastic?

Since the day of his confession, Gii has never stopped following me. He knows that I have a mental problem, so he burdens himself with the responsibility of protecting me. I never ask him to do that, though. But he's really serious about his job. He can be really workaholic, and sometimes possessive. I can imagine him with his eyes on fire and his explosive smile, yelling to all people who want to approach me "TAKUMI IS MINE! NOBODY TOUCH HIM! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

"Takumi!" I turn back and see Gii holding six packages of bun, stating behind me. "Let's go eat outside!"

There is this back yard of the school which looks more like a forest. Gii says that he uses to hang around here, to spend some time alone. Because he is really popular, there are always people following him, like spies, stalker, and paparazzi. Of course, there are weirder people at school, people with worst mental state than mine, who are driven mad by the deprivation of gender variety and are eventually getting their fantasies shifted toward whatever that seems doable in our kind of school.

"Takumi, – num num num – give me another bun."

I hand him the last untouched bun. He quickly unwraps and swallows it.

"If you eat too quickly, you'll get sick." I say before noticing that he is only paying attention to my bun. "You want another one?"

"Can I? *heart*"

I can't believe he can digest all five of them. Though, I thought he bought the buns for me.

"Ah~ I'm full!" He moves his hand over his mouth to hid his burp and then lays his head on my laps. "Lend me your laps."

"Wh…wait. Gii…"

"Oyasumi~ zzz"

Is he already asleep? What is this habit of eat-and-sleep? Or bun-and-laps-nap? What am I going to do now? If I don't get him off, I might lose my breath and suffocate.

However, the situation isn't as bad as I thought. Somehow, maybe I have gotten used to Gii, and so I don't feel that much uneasy with him in this position.

This feeling is strange, but somewhat pleasant, almost as good as the buns.

God, I didn't eat enough! If Gii stays like this, he might feel my stomach grumbling. But he looks really tired, might not be able to notice anything.

I can feel his breath rate on my laps, his movement of this chest, and if I concentrate more, I can almost feel his heartbeat. I wonder what his dreaming now? Looking him at this angle seems kind of absorbing.

My parents wanted me to become a doctor. But I told them that I couldn't work with patients. They said I should reconsider this choice later. Now, I think this is not that bad. If the patient is asleep, maybe I'll be cool.

Or am I only cool with Gii?

If that true, then I can imagine him being really happy. _MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! TAKUMI IS MY PERSONAL DOCTOR! NOBODY CAN HAVE HIM!_

Ring! Ring!

"Ah, I over slept!" Gii wakes up in a jump which almost scares my soul out.

The fifth class just ends. I can't believe I was so absorbed observing Gii that I forget about the time.

"Takumi, what if we skip the 6th class, too?" He says with a smirk.

"Huh? Why?"

Gii grabs my hand before answering. But just when he is about to make a full sentence out, unconscious action strikes me again. I kind of have done something that I'm not really aware aboutmyself, and then when I regain consciousness, I find myself rushing to my class. I run like a mad person with my almost empty stomach. Quickly, my reserve of energy goes to low, and I bump on Akaike.

"Ah, gomenasai!" I say as I bow to him.

"What are you hurrying?"

"I-huh… was chased by dogs." Wait, I'm not the kind of person who lies!

"Dog?" He lifts his eyebrow. "And what was Gii doing?"

"He… wasn't with me."

"Ah-huh. Just be careful. There are a lot of stalkers around you. Especially around Gii. If you lie to them, today's event can become your ultimate nightmare." He gives a smirk and waves his hand. "Anyway, I'll be studying for my upcoming midterms. So, if something goes wrong, don't come and ask me to help you. Sayonara!"

Right! The midterms are coming and I just lost the last English class before the essay exam. I'd better ask Gii to help me to prepare for it. He's born in America, so he must be very good in English.

Actually, that is not true. It's not until 8 PM that Gii comes back with a memo in his hand, and tells me the reality. "I'm born is South America. No hablo Ingles!"

South America? I wonder what kind of business his father in doing that can make his family so rich and popular. It must be something like agricultural industry, or oil extracting industry. Or else, it might be black market, but that wouldn't make them popular for commoners.

"Actually, I can help you if you need. The school's material is very basic." He continues and hand me a paper. "Here's the sections the literature midterm is going to cover."

"Arigato." I take the paper and put aside on the table.

"Takumi, are you ok?"

"Hm-hum."

"Did something wrong happen?"

"No." Why is he asking this? Do I look anxious or something?

"Really? Are you sure?"

"Yeah." Seriously, what's wrong with him?

"Ok." He smiles and turns his eyes away.

No, wait, I change my mind. "Hey, Gii…"

He quickly turns back to me and answers, "Yeah?"

"I think we should be less around each other at school."

"What are you saying? Did someone say something to you?"

"…"

"I love you, Takumi!" He hits the table and lowers himself, his head closer to mime. "There is nothing that can stop me from being with the person that I love."

"…" There is this reddish-bluish scar on his face that wasn't there the last time I saw him.

"You know how I feel about you, right?"

"What happen to your face?"

He steps back and touches his injury. "You don't remember?"

I shake my head.

"When I asked you to stay with me for the 6th class, you hit me and you ran away."

I really did that? I did that again? "Ah, gomen!"

"It's ok. I think I'm already used to this kind of domestic violence."

"Domestic violence?"

"I just label that up. Isn't that cool?" He smiles.

"Huh?"

"Ah, forget it." He takes his book and walks out of the room.

What is he talking about? … Oh, that was a joke? I just catch it. Am I really that slow? I'm really that slow.

And I am even slower when it comes to verbal defense.

The next day, Nozaki Daisuke appears again with PureBOYS concert tickets. "Come with me, my dear!"

"No way!" I try to flee. But he holds me on by my arm, which makes me want to punch him. Wait a minutes, since when I became so violent? I should solve problem verbally. How can I touch that unknown skin surface without my lunch as an intermediate medium. I should only apply domestic violence with Gii. No one else deserves to get in contact with my fist.

"Hey, Takumi." Gii happens to call me from behind. "What are you doing, let's go!"

"Gii!" I run to him like a loyal dog.

That Nozaki-loser, he must be steamed. I mock at him, although my mocking doesn't appear on my face. But I really laugh at him. Gii's timing is really perfect.

"Don't talk with people like Nozaki." Gii says without looking at me.

"Are you… jealous?" I wiggle my tail, if I have one.

"Baka!" He smiles nervously. "Let's go!"

"Where are we going?"

He waves his right hand full of bun. "Eat lunch!"

Oh, no. Don't expect me to skip class again. But we can't skip anyhow; we have a Math midterm right after the break. So Gii forsakes his daily nap to arrive in time for the exam. After classes, I get back to my dorm and start studying for the English test tomorrow. Gii hasn't return yet. He must be confident about his English level.

It's starting to rain heavily. I stand up and stretch my arms to close the windows. Outside, there is a guy running in the woods. It must be some student training for the gym exam. Wait, is that Gii?

I open the balcony door and step out to take a better look at him. It is Gii. Don't tell me our gym exam is running laps. I'm really weak that this stuff.

"He's doing this for you, Takumi." I turn back and found Akaike who happens to be there.

"Huh?"

"He has a bet."

"Bet?"

"To protect you."

"Me?"

*nod*

"… Sorry, can you formulate your sentences in a more direct way?"

"Ah, you don't like foreshadowing?"

"Huh?"

"Never mind. I shouldn't tell you this because Gii said it doesn't concern you. But since you're not good at guessing games…"

*stare*

"Nozaki challenged Gii to have an endurance contest. If he loses, Nozaki will punch him, and Hayama will become his property."

That Nozaki-bastard! I shouldn't have resisted punching his face. "Gii, has a bet like that?"

"Didn't you hear what I said?"

"No, I mean…"

"Whatever. Just don't tell him that I told you this."

How can I not be concern about this? Look at Gii, all alone, running in the rain, all wet and sweating. His look is more pathetic than any artists dancing in the rain in k-pop music videos. I just want to go down and give him a hug.

So, I go down and catch him.

"Gii!"

Gii turns around, totally washed-out. "Ha… Ha… Takumi? Ha…"

"Stop doing this. You're being too romantic, I can't take it anymore."

"Ha… Huh?"

Forget about talking. I throw myself on him and hug him for the first time. My facial skin gets in contact with Gii's back – the same back that protected me from the projectile – the same back that has rested on my laps. Although this back has some more H2O today, the feeling of his skin so close to mine – just separated by two layer of cloth – is almost as deep as what 'becoming one flesh' must feels like.

"Gii, I don't want to discourage you, but I really don't care if you get punch by Nozaki, nor if I get raped by him. I –"

"Hey, what the hell?" Gii cuts in. "You don't care if I lose?"

"I don't want Gii to treasure me too much."

"Ok. I'll take that as you care about me at some level. But, what happen to your illness? Are you ok?"

"Forget about that. Can I stay like this for awhile?"

"… Takumi… We'll catch cold."

Let it happen then. If he gets sick, he won't have to race with Nozaki anymore. So, please, make him sick. Make it be the worst sickness ever!

Nay, I'm kidding.

I know that now, I really like this guy, and my mental disorder and my skin also approves him. So I'll pray for him to win. I'll encourage him. I'll cheerlead for him.

"Gii, Aishiteru."

"Takumi…" He turns around and lift my chin.

*stare*

*stare*

"Oh my God! The English midterm!"

"What? At a time like this?"

"No, I'm going to fail it!"

"Oh, forget it! Just copy me." *kiss*


End file.
